Limbo
by Brii Taylor
Summary: There was an accident, and Stella and Claire talk about loving Mac. SMacked, mac/claire


A flash, a screech of metal on metal, and then everything was a blur of pain. Someone was screaming, she felt something hot and wet running down her cheek, and her arm was a blaze of pain. She heard someone call her name, but then everything was silent.

When she opened her eyes next, she felt amazingly light. It was as if she had just lifted all the weight of the world off her shoulders. Actually, she wasn't even sure if she _had _shoulders anymore, and she didn't know if she cared. She could have stayed that way forever, blissfully unaware of anything around her, but _her_ voice brought her back to… well, she didn't know where she was.

"Stella Bonasera!" the voice cried, and Stella looked around and saw her. Claire.

"Claire!" she said happily, moving forward (was she running or just floating? She wasn't sure) to embrace her friend.

"Stella, what are you doing here?" Claire asked, worry creasing her forehead. Stella looked around.

"I don't know. What is this place?" she asked. As she said it, she got a familiar sense of foreboding. Something wasn't right.

"Wait, how are you—but I thought—Claire?" she asked uncertainly. She began to feel some weight below her, pulling her down.

Claire looked at her, her confusion mirrored in her face. "Stella, what happened?" she asked worriedly.

"You—you're dead, aren't you?" Stella asked, feeling the loss and knowing she was right. Her previous free-floating existence had sharply ended, and she was beginning to feel numbness and pain in her arms and legs. They were there. Claire, in the meantime, had been looking her up and down.

"Good," she murmured, as if to herself. "You can see your outline, that's good."

"My outline? Claire, what the hell's going on? You're dead. Does that mean—does that mean I'm dead too?" Stella asked, fear clutching at what had been her heart. Claire looked at her and shook her head, a sad smile on her face.

"No," she said simply. "No, I don't think you're dead."

"I'm not? What happened to me then?" she asked. Claire shook her head.

"I'm not sure, and I don't think that it matters. What matters is, you're going back. You can feel it, can't you?" she asked suddenly, a grim smile on her lips. "You can feel your body now."

Numbly, Stella nodded.

"Then I don't have much time. You're going back. You're going to see Mac again." Pain flashed across Claire's face. "You're lucky."

"I am?" Stella asked. Claire nodded, and suddenly reached forward and grabbed at her arm.

"Listen to me," she said, looking earnestly into her eyes. "Listen to me, okay? Is Mac happy? Don't lie to me, that will only waste your time. Is he happy?"

Stella hesitated only a moment before looking down in shame and shaking her head.

"No," she whispered, feeling tears. "No, I'm afraid he's not, and it's all my fault."

"No!" Claire said suddenly, her eyes flashing. "No, it's not your fault. It's mine."

"I should have made him talk to me more," Stella sniffled. "I should have made him come out of his shell."

"Stella, shut up," Claire snapped suddenly. "We don't have time. We don't have time to feel sorry for ourselves. You're going back, and I'm not. I know he hasn't been truly happy, but that isn't your fault. Listen to me. You have to go back. Go back, and love him, Stella."

"What?" Stella asked bewilderedly. "What?"

"Go and love him. He loves you, Stella. He might not realize it soon, but he loves you. You love him, too."

"What?" Stella asked. She was suddenly aware of her arms and legs, and just how heavy they were.

"It's starting," Claire said with a wistful smile. "Go, Stella."

"Can I stay?" The words were out before she could stop them. Immediately, she felt herself lighten a little. Claire shook her head vigorously.

"No. Don't stay. He needs you. I need you. I need you there with him."

"But—" Stella looked behind Claire, wondering what was behind her. "I could stay."

Claire nodded wearily, looking both very old and very wise in an instant. "You could. You could stay."

"Would I get to see my mom?" Stella asked, feeling her heart twinge violently. Her voice shook slightly. "Is she here, in heaven or whatever this is?"

Claire nodded, smiling sadly. "Yes," she said. "She's here."

"I could be with her. I could meet her." she felt herself lighten considerably. "I could stay."

"Yes. You could. But you shouldn't."

"Why not?" Stella asked belligerently. Claire smiled, her eyes speaking untold volumes.

"I didn't tell him I loved him enough," Claire admitted suddenly. Her smile faded.

"What?" Stella asked uncertainly.

"I told him I loved him that day, it's true, but I didn't tell him I loved him enough," Claire said, a tear in her eye. "I don't think he knew how much I really loved him."

"He did," Stella said softly. "He knew."

Claire's eyes took on an ageless look. "I don't think he did. I loved him with all my heart, my soul, my strength. When I saw that plane—because I saw it, I saw it flying right at our window—the last thing I thought was "Does he know I love him?"" she blinked, a faraway look in her eye.

"My body was vaporized on impact, you know. I never felt a thing. Actually, no. I felt the glass from the window hit my body, and then I felt a push on my chest, and I was gone. I think that was the impact of the plane hitting the building. I loved him. Mac. God, how I loved him." she turned a level eye back to Stella. "And now, you do."

Stella felt her eyes widen. "No," she tried to deny, but Claire only laughed. It was not an unkind sound.

"No, it's okay. I loved him. _Loved_. As in past tense." She crossed her arms over her chest and took a step back, turning her back on Stella.

"When you die," she said after a moment, her voice shaking slightly, "You can't feel things the same. I love him, but now it's… it's not like before. You can't do anything about it, and then it begins to hurt too much, watching them feel pain and struggle to survive, so you… you stop, after a little while. You still love them, but it's not the same. It's not a very nice feeling." She faced Stella suddenly, and tears were streaming down her face.

"It's not feeling. It's knowing what the feeling is, being able to put a name on it, but not being able to feel anything. You know it's supposed to be there, but it's not. You have a chance to go back, Stella. Take it. I would do anything, give anything to go back, but I can't. You should."

Stella knew. She knew she had to go back.

"Go, Stella. Go now. Love him, will you? Love him with all your heart, and hold him like you can't let go," Claire said. Stella nodded, and suddenly everything felt incredibly heavy.

"Claire, will I remember this? Will I know about this?"she asked, even as she felt herself get heavier. Claire smiled.

"For awhile," she called. Stella smiled too, and she began to fall, or at least, what felt like falling, and she watched as Claire's face faded away…

And now, everything hurt. Her eyes were rolled back into her head, and she felt herself shaking, but she also felt a hand underneath her, strong arms carrying her, running through the wreckage.

"I've got you, Stella. You'll be okay."


End file.
